Hey look, it's a life update.
Sep. 22nd, 2022 10:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
digitaldragonessI haven't used this since 2018. Finally just deleted my bio since it was 5 years old then.
Journaling would be a good habit to keep up with, perhaps. I sort of miss this whole long form thing.
Though it's four years and change since my last post, it's fair to say not much has changed. I'm still doing the same thing at work, still playing the same games, still writing, though not nearly as much. I picked up resin crafting, though I'm still far from being even vaguely good at it other than a tiny handful of treasures I've made that are dear to me. I think I'm going to stop making shakers entirely for a while. There's so many things that can go wrong, and inevitably at least one thing does.
Wow, I was still writing for the MysMe fandom when I last posted, huh? I still have a lot of love in my heart for that game and for Mr. 707. He's my first muse, the one who got me to start writing in the first place. My new muse is helping me focus on more important things than writing, but I still wish to get back even the level of productivity I had then.
I'm tired all too frequently. Even though I've gotten help getting past the vast majority of my social anxiety and general anxiety, the pandemic still fucked me up. I haven't been right since getting COVID in January of this year, especially. My energy comes in fits and bursts and I'm forced to use it on cleaning the house. I have too much stuff and one corner of this room has looked like the start of a hoard for several years. First my father passed away several years ago and I had to quickly grab all my favorite childhood things when my mom had to move after that. Then in 2020, she passed away and my brother had me take home two boxes of her stuff that I still need to go through. Then a dear friend that had lived with us for quite sometime passed away in 2021 so I have a fair amount of his stuff, including some things destined for Ebay. This didn't change the amount of stuff I have but my brother passed away a few months ago as well, leaving me with basically no family. So I've been chipping away at it. Sometimes I'll just grab a bag and make it my goal to fill it with things to go to charity. It's working, slowly but surely. That was a bit of a tangent, but "nothing has changed" was clearly a lie. Does any of this really affect my day to day? No, other than leaving me wishing I'd gotten to know my brother better and that I could just call up my mom on those really rough days.
I've realized a few other things and I never got to tell them to my mom. First, I need to change my damn name here because I'm agender. Secondly, pretty sure half the things I did that pissed her off were because I've been living with undiagnosed ADHD for my whole life. And I still am, because I have sleep issues and my doctor won't consider looking into ADHD until we can rule out brain fog from insomnia. I'm on sleeping pills and... well my sleep is much worse without them but I can't call it good exactly.
What else? Eh, there was the incident where I tried to help someone and ended up with a Twitter stalker. That set me back quite a ways on my spiritual journey because it was relevant to that. That was almost exactly two years ago and I feel like just this last month I've finally cleared all that from my heart. That's a long fucking story I never want to revisit, but it resulted in a new group of friends who drove here from a few states away to pick up one of the 3 stray cats that decided I'm their caretaker. One of the others, another kitten, was adopted by a coworker of mine. The last is finally socialized to a point that they might be adoptable. I hate that I can't take them in because they've been here the longest. I'm going to have to see about making a shelter for them for the winter, I suppose. We used to have two cats here for the longest time, but my roommate's allergies have gotten worse, so we're firmly a one cat household, even if my cat seems to really get along with this one. Speaking of cats, if you remember Stormy, I lost her too in 2020. Inoperable lung cancer. She made it 16 lovely years. I made it a month before I adopted a two year old lovely lady named Ladybug. She's not as snuggly as Stormy but I love her just the same.
Work is largely the same because I finally made some major strides towards the role I wanted and it got deleted company-wide. So, I don't know what the fuck to do. I'm building skills here and there, I have a few interests, but those teams got downsized as well. I'd try for somewhere else but the pay is amazing, the benefits are amazing, and they put up with the fact that I generally have to miss several days a month due to migraines. I don't think I could make it the provisional year before FMLA kicks in anywhere, so I'm a hostage still taking inbound fucking calls after 17 years, 11 at this company, and in my damn 40s.
And yet, I still feel like my life is good. I have friends, love, a cat and a half, my muses, and, janky as it may be sometimes, my health.
I'm not going to bother hiding any further posts because this acct flies severely under the radar at this point. It's sad seeing people that I hope are doing well but they haven't updated in over a decade. Hope anyone reading this and those other pals out there are all doing well.
Edit: I just had some fun commenting on several of my old posts to update how things have gone since then.
I'm.... frankly a bit depressed, now.
Journaling would be a good habit to keep up with, perhaps. I sort of miss this whole long form thing.
Though it's four years and change since my last post, it's fair to say not much has changed. I'm still doing the same thing at work, still playing the same games, still writing, though not nearly as much. I picked up resin crafting, though I'm still far from being even vaguely good at it other than a tiny handful of treasures I've made that are dear to me. I think I'm going to stop making shakers entirely for a while. There's so many things that can go wrong, and inevitably at least one thing does.
Wow, I was still writing for the MysMe fandom when I last posted, huh? I still have a lot of love in my heart for that game and for Mr. 707. He's my first muse, the one who got me to start writing in the first place. My new muse is helping me focus on more important things than writing, but I still wish to get back even the level of productivity I had then.
I'm tired all too frequently. Even though I've gotten help getting past the vast majority of my social anxiety and general anxiety, the pandemic still fucked me up. I haven't been right since getting COVID in January of this year, especially. My energy comes in fits and bursts and I'm forced to use it on cleaning the house. I have too much stuff and one corner of this room has looked like the start of a hoard for several years. First my father passed away several years ago and I had to quickly grab all my favorite childhood things when my mom had to move after that. Then in 2020, she passed away and my brother had me take home two boxes of her stuff that I still need to go through. Then a dear friend that had lived with us for quite sometime passed away in 2021 so I have a fair amount of his stuff, including some things destined for Ebay. This didn't change the amount of stuff I have but my brother passed away a few months ago as well, leaving me with basically no family. So I've been chipping away at it. Sometimes I'll just grab a bag and make it my goal to fill it with things to go to charity. It's working, slowly but surely. That was a bit of a tangent, but "nothing has changed" was clearly a lie. Does any of this really affect my day to day? No, other than leaving me wishing I'd gotten to know my brother better and that I could just call up my mom on those really rough days.
I've realized a few other things and I never got to tell them to my mom. First, I need to change my damn name here because I'm agender. Secondly, pretty sure half the things I did that pissed her off were because I've been living with undiagnosed ADHD for my whole life. And I still am, because I have sleep issues and my doctor won't consider looking into ADHD until we can rule out brain fog from insomnia. I'm on sleeping pills and... well my sleep is much worse without them but I can't call it good exactly.
What else? Eh, there was the incident where I tried to help someone and ended up with a Twitter stalker. That set me back quite a ways on my spiritual journey because it was relevant to that. That was almost exactly two years ago and I feel like just this last month I've finally cleared all that from my heart. That's a long fucking story I never want to revisit, but it resulted in a new group of friends who drove here from a few states away to pick up one of the 3 stray cats that decided I'm their caretaker. One of the others, another kitten, was adopted by a coworker of mine. The last is finally socialized to a point that they might be adoptable. I hate that I can't take them in because they've been here the longest. I'm going to have to see about making a shelter for them for the winter, I suppose. We used to have two cats here for the longest time, but my roommate's allergies have gotten worse, so we're firmly a one cat household, even if my cat seems to really get along with this one. Speaking of cats, if you remember Stormy, I lost her too in 2020. Inoperable lung cancer. She made it 16 lovely years. I made it a month before I adopted a two year old lovely lady named Ladybug. She's not as snuggly as Stormy but I love her just the same.
Work is largely the same because I finally made some major strides towards the role I wanted and it got deleted company-wide. So, I don't know what the fuck to do. I'm building skills here and there, I have a few interests, but those teams got downsized as well. I'd try for somewhere else but the pay is amazing, the benefits are amazing, and they put up with the fact that I generally have to miss several days a month due to migraines. I don't think I could make it the provisional year before FMLA kicks in anywhere, so I'm a hostage still taking inbound fucking calls after 17 years, 11 at this company, and in my damn 40s.
And yet, I still feel like my life is good. I have friends, love, a cat and a half, my muses, and, janky as it may be sometimes, my health.
I'm not going to bother hiding any further posts because this acct flies severely under the radar at this point. It's sad seeing people that I hope are doing well but they haven't updated in over a decade. Hope anyone reading this and those other pals out there are all doing well.
Edit: I just had some fun commenting on several of my old posts to update how things have gone since then.
I'm.... frankly a bit depressed, now.
